It's a long story but I have some suspicion that my gf "may" be seeing other guys. Are there reputable private investigators who operate in the Brno-Kurim-Blansko area that speak English? If she isn't cheating, then at least my mind will be at ease. But if she is, then at least I'll stop wondering and try to move on. The thing is, right now, I just don't know what's going on and not knowing is killing me.
Question. Do you not think it would be more wise just to speak to your beloved regarding this matter? Personally, I find that to employ a private investigator for a concern with infidelity is somewhat quite a malevolence. There are certain ways to approach your loved one over a matter such as this, that will result in a truthful outcome, minus the guilt and costs that coincide with using a PI. If you endorse an assertive attitude and explain your situation to those whom know your girlfriend (and you feel comfortable talking to), prior to talking to her, you will feel somewhat at ease. Assertiveness is the key, by maintaining this you will obtain the answer you seek without causing any offense. On the other hand, if you employ a PI, you are thereby forefieting the trust of your relationship, wouldn't you agree? Food for thought. :wink: For your information, a simple google search yielded an abundance of Private Investigators in the CR. I have not used one myself, so I can not recommend any reputible ones. However by deciphering through the results, this company seems to be well-established in the market and also fluent in English: http://www.investigator.szm.com/ I hope this helps you, Jason.
I would agree with you on most points. The thing is, we are like more than 5,000 kilometers away from each other, visit each other once in a blue moon and the most we do is send SMS to each other with calls about a couple of times a week. And she claims she needs room to "breathe" to think about her life and all things - she sent that via SMS, she didn't even say it to me. When I asked her to be truthful and not to play games and to be honest to me about it, she sent her last SMS on Sunday which said "I told you there isn't another boy, and I told you I don't want to leave you because I love you, I just need time." She didn't even have the decency to tell me that over the phone? I've asked other girls to get their opinions and most of them tell me it is probably another guy she is seeing and that's a classic line they use. Some of them admit cheating on their boyfriends and when confronted with it from their bfs, they would tell "no" in any case. Their reasoning was, they don't want to make him angry at them, just in case they want to go back to him and also, they didn't want to risk the boyfriend attacking the new guy. The thing I don't understand is, we are so far apart. It is one thing if I see her on a daily basis and I hound her with calls. But in this situation? Something doesn't seem right, wouldn't you agree? I mean, she has all the room she needs to breathe lol. And this freaking hurt because I opened up my whole heart to her for the past 2 years and she claims she needs a hiatus without even a last phone call. I do agree with you on your points, but I think my situation is different, it is full of vagueness and the reasons she gives doesn't make sense. We broached the topic of cheating and loyalty with each other a few times, I thought we nailed it down. Oh and another thing, most of her friends are guys. She swears to me always she has nothing with them. But you know the saying, it is tough for a guy and girl just to be friends, right? I mean why would a girl have mostly guy friends? I was debating whether to get a PI or go there myself on an unannounced visit and see what happens. If she comes home with a guy holding hands and kissing, then there would be no question and I'll approach her. Thing is, I can't leave here for another 3 weeks because of work and the waiting is killing me. If it indeed turns out to be infidelity, then I lost nothing in terms of losing trust. If it turns out I was wrong, I think I had just cause to be at least suspicious due to the circumstances. She at least owes me a last phone call before this "hiatus" she claims she needs. She doesn't SMS me anymore no matter how many I send her. All she does now is let my phone ring, for a duration of a ring, maybe a couple of times a day (we do this to let each other know we're thinking about each other, without incurring airtime costs). But I don't know, I'm really confused. I invested time, money, my full emotional faculties over this relationship for the past 2 years and I just don't want to give up on it. Thanks for your input.
Oh dear..... you raise a number of issues. Change positions...pretend you are her...... Here you are in CR, with a boyfriend in the USA. One day he says you will be together forever etc etc.... but you love the CR. You want to stay with your family.... My wife loves CR as well. But we dont live there. I know that deep down she would love to be close to all her family.... and her friends who she has known since school....and incidentally, she has many "friends who are boys", not boyfriends! I think it is not unusual for Czech women to associate with both sexes with no strings attached. Its something Australian, English and it seems American men have a problem understanding!!! I know... i was there myself once!! Perhaps she just wonders when your relationship is going to move forward? My advice....if she needs space, give it to her, what ever happens if she wants out, she will go, no matter how many times you call, write or visit. Forget the PI. She deserves to go out with friends and i'm sure you wouldn't want her sitting watching TV every night just to please you. She'd hate you for it. I'm no help really...sorry, but i hope you find what you want... mal
Don't say when you arrive for the next time and you can make a surprise for her, and you will see if she is happy or she is doing another thing.... 75% of girls are not faithful, it's awful! I hope for you that she is in the 25% but if she is very beautiful, sorry guy, no chance for keep her! :?
I know about one research in the first half of 1990s where they found 25 % childrens in families (in CR) don't belong to their official father, no matter whether that husbands know it (the wife told them it) or not :roll: (this research wasn't published since the results would cause "a bad atmosphere" in the families). However i don't agree with "no chance for keep her" - czech girls are clever and differ between "men for a short time & sex" and "men for a long time & family".
The biggest mistake in relationship people make is that they don't HEAR what other is telling them. Or they don't want to hear it. You write that >"she claims she needs room to "breathe" to think about her life and all things - she sent that via SMS, she didn't even say it to me. When I asked her to be truthful and not to play games and to be honest to me about it, she sent her last SMS on Sunday which said "I told you there isn't another boy, and I told you I don't want to leave you because I love you, I just need time." < Are you pressuring her to make some decision that "she needs time"to give you an answer?? What does she need "time off" from?? Considering that you are not overwhelming her with your calls or visits, then she is telling you to leave her alone. It has nothing to do with the matter if she is seeing someone else or not. She just simply hopes that she will get out of the relationhip without any hassle and unpleasantness. 18 months is average time when relationship between decent people either culminates in some commitment or falls apart. It has nothing to do with anything else but that it is enough time to recognize that your personalities simpy don't mesh together for lifetime committment. Sometimes it is impossible to explain this to other person and many people solve this situation by finding someone new first. Your girlfriend is definitelly giving you "heads up" on this. You can be nicest person in the world, but life is series of trial and error. This doesn't reflect on you negatively, you just have to keep open mind and not force relationship which doesn't flow easy. It doesn't mean that she doesn't love you but she can be almost sure that you are just not "Mr. Right" for her. I am experienced woman and I would recommend that you answer her nicely and ask her if she needs, lets say, two months time to re-think your relationship. You can both AGREE ON SETTING A DATE (which you both put in your calendar. On that date (time?) SHE will get in touch with you IF she still wants to be your girlfriend. If you don't hear from her on that date, it would mean that she went her way. After you both agree on this DO NOT CONTACT HER. It is worth to give her what she is asking for and give this relationship two more months of waiting to be sure, instead of dragging it on when it doesn't lead anywhere. Give yourself some freedom in-the-meantime to meet other people and not to dwell on your relationship You too will probably realize that it was not for you. If you don't hear from her, be a gentleman and write her a letter (snail mail), thanking her for nice times you had together and wishing her well. She will remember you for the rest of her life as man of character and not a pestering guy she wants to foget as soon as possible. Good luck! (and let us know)
Everything's ok - thanks for the support guys. She caved in after a few days and starting communicating again. She does go through alot after all, her father is an alcoholic, her mother and brother are handicapped so she must take care of everything and support them all. I'm just a paranoid person and it was just odd that she needed space despite the fact that we're a pond away. She's just weird like that. But I still love her to death. Now, back to fretting about Avian Influenza. :cry:
