more on Czech expression/traits...

Discussion in 'Culture' started by iluvuma1, May 14, 2005.

  1. iluvuma1

    iluvuma1 Well-Known Member

    I think most of the Czech guys I know (my husband is Czech) tend to definitely not dwell on thier feelings. They are very practical, and tend to view life as more of a routine. They are very responsible and driven to make/save money. They don't part with money easily. Don't expect to be wooed with lots of gifts and sweet nothings. It is just not their nature. However they are physically affectionate/holding hands in public. I was a little shocked at first because they would be considered "handsy" here- patting/ caressing your bottom.
    You will be old and grey if you wait for a Czech to tell you thier feelings about love. You won't hear the flowery poetic flattery. Just get used to it. They are just different than Americans. Its hard to get used to, and you can feel "in the dark"- but there are pros and cons. For example, he/she will treat your family in high regard and with respect, and are happy being at home.
    They have a darker/black humor that sometimes is lost on me. The guys I know even though they are 25-30 year old adults when they get together act like 14 year old boys at times- even with their girlfriends present. They ogle/stare at women openly and make jokes. They certainly wouldn't be compared to Prince Charming...
    Most of the guys I know say Czech women can be very fickle. I've heard at least twice that they will leave thier man for greener pastures/ aka an easier life- more money.
    I've noticed the Czech couples definitely have different roles than Americans. The women tend to baby thier men- and backrubs are more one sided. (Take care of the man mentality). I think that is why Czech women may be seen as highly valuable assets... Not to mention they are superwomen- work full time and keep a flawless home, not to mention thier appearance. Czech men have them well trained.
    I must say my experience is from a pool of 6-10 Czech couples I know here. People are different, but this is my experience and I'll stand by it.
    Most of my American girlfriends did not care much for my husband at first- thinking him a bit too rigid/old fashioned and borderline chauvenistic- but a year later they were jealous of his hard working nature, and sincerity. Laziness is not common....
  2. I couldn't agree with you more about what you said in regards to czech men. My boyfriend is SO like that. He is not prone to words of endearment. The only time he wants to discuss any sort of feelings is when he has had "a few" :D .... and then it's a soul baring incident. Sometimes he'll even cry. He is a workaholic and beyond stingy with his money. But in regards to me or our home, he will spend any amount if it's something he really wants or just feels like spoiling me. He is very "handsy" in public and in private. That's how I first got the hint that he liked me. He would get to drinking and start hanging on me which would lead to hugging, which would lead to rubs and pats and then he finally went for broke and kissed me. It was fustrating to try to figure out if he really liked me and then it was sweet when I figured out that he was shy and that was how he showed his affections.

    I am an Italian/American woman and I am a superwoman, if you will. I work full time as well, keep a spotless home for us, keep a flawless appearance, and spoil him rotten. I know about the back rub thing. And yes, it does at times tend to be one sided. But he makes up for it in other ways. :D ....he does have a "weird" sense of humor and gets totally childish when with his friends. He's 32 and acts more like 10. He does the thing about staring at women and passing comments. But I know it's all in fun. He isn't too old fashioned ( I am more than him) but he is set in his ways. But after 3 years, I wouldn't change one thing about him.

    By the way: he IS my Prince Charming!! :D
  3. julieteng66

    julieteng66 Member

    I am totally agree with all above, and yet I work full time and taking care like king, not even give him back rub, I give him full body massage every couple days , am i well train or what? yet, since he is not so handy, i pretty much doing man and women's job in the household. About the money, OH MY GOD, it's like he never get anything for me if that's not necessary or I have to pay half of everything... On the other hand, when he want something himself, money never the problem for little habit of his.'s that normal for a czech guy? :oops: he is 36 this year and act like 12, get piss off just a little thing or even I was too tired to give him a massage... He will start to act up... ladies, can yo guys give me any input about how to deal with all that? i mean I love him to death, but we are jsut so different and he is not well to meet me in the middle of some point...
  4. My God!! What is wrong with him?? I have heard some negative things about czech men and I've been dating one myself for 3 years but my boyfriend DOES NOT act like that. If he did, he would have been out on the curb. He may be one of those guys who is a mama's boy. That's why he is used to getting his own way and expecting you to treat him like a king while you get treated like some "lady in waiting". In our relationship, it's pretty much equal. he actually doesn't like for me to pay my half of things and will pick a fight over it because he likes to "take care of me". I think it hurts his ego in front of his male friends. Like he can't take care of his woman or something. He does get moody but its usually when he is tired or has a lot on his mind. He does keep to himself alot and I have to pry out of him what is wrong. As far as the cheating goes? I have heard in alot of the posts about that sort of thing out of czech men but thank goodness I don't have that problem. He is with me all the time. He doesn't like me to be out of his sight and takes me with him everywhere. He isn't too fond of the "guys night out thing". He was born here and raised here. He pretty much has the american male idea of "if we are together, she can't say I am doing something bad".

    I have never had cause to accuse him of anything. He treats me like a queen and his brothers all treat their wives/girlfriends like queens too. His mom wasn't keen on me in the begining because he is the oldest and her favorite and most mothers don't think anyone is good enough for their son. This might be the problem with your boyfriend's mom. Italian mothers are NOTORIOUS for this. (My brothers' are like princes in her eyes). You should really evaluate your whole relationship. Is this the way you want to be treated for the rest of your life if you stay with him? He's getting up there in age and the older men get, the less inclined they are to change their ways, especially czech men. My hat's off to you because if it were me, all he would have saw was foot soles and elbows on the way out the door a long time ago. Good luck girlfriend!!! 8)
  5. cechofil

    cechofil Well-Known Member

    Hi julieteng,
    I am a little curious. Just what is it about him that makes you love him to death? You didn't mention any possibly redeeming qualities he may have that could compensate for the behaviors you listed. He is demanding, quick tempered, stingy, immature and not even handy around the home. Is he exceptional in some areas that you omitted ? Because otherwise I personally, would be out the door quicker than I could finish typing this...unless of course you have children. Children do change the equation. But that being said, we "teach people how to treat us". If he has come to expect you to do all of theses things and he acts as you said, it is only because he is allowed to. I don't mean to offend you or anything. My aim is only that perhaps you will think about whether you want to allow him to treat you this way forever. From what I see, Czech men seem to have the upperhand in marriage but I am confused about why women GIVE it to them? I just don't get it, I guess
  6. julieteng66

    julieteng66 Member

    girl, you were so right...he is mom's little boy...thanks so much for your input, I guess I got the worse combination of all's little boy + czech men. however, I am so glad that I can talk to someone about this czech man issue...
  7. julieteng66

    julieteng66 Member

    well, for answer your question...As i said before... :roll: he can be super sweet when he want to, and he is very caring person in general. It is really good question that I really need to start to think about it...
    But as far as the "I let hime to act this way"...well... :? I am chinese and as sound stereotype as it is ... obey is the way I been raised. But I am kind of addopt the western culture now that's why I rather meet him in the half way to resolve this obey issue. yet, we will have fight sometime 'cause i am not obey as he wants to thats' when he think i am bitchy :evil:
  8. cechofil

    cechofil Well-Known Member

    I can appreciate the cultural aspects you mention. The environment, (family and society) that we are raised in has a great bearing on our adult personalities. There are some postive things that you say about him although it seems he doesn't display these often enough. I do admire that you are trying to meet him half way, (or even more). He just doesn't seem to appreciate all that you do and how well he really has it. Maybe he had the expectation that you would be the sterotypical obedient and subservient Chinese wife. For your sake, I hope you can reach some kind of understanding with him that makes the marriage more equitable. Of course there are never any easy answers, are there? I wish you good luck though and if I DO think of an easy answer, I will get back to you! :)
  9. cechofil

    cechofil Well-Known Member

    Sorry, I just realized he is your boyfriend and NOT husband. And therein lies the EASY answer! I would leave him so fast his head would be spinning. You are under no obligation to put up with his disrespect. I just saw your other post about his infidelity, etc. And all this is BEFORE getting married. It would only get worse. Trust me, people rarely change. Would you want HIM to be the father of your potential children and/or a role model for a son or daughter? I wouldn't. Just something to think about Julie. Keep us posted.
  10. iluvuma1

    iluvuma1 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Julie!

    You and I have a lot in common... Except I am not Asian American. I'm actually half Czech- but I would say 99% American.
    1. I'm glad I'm not the only one who is irritated at the "equal parts" thing. I am SO tired of paying half for everything. However, when it comes to him doing "half the dishes"- forget it!
    It is REALLY hard to get used to, and you and I must keep the communication lines open. His behavior irritated me so bad that I recently blew up at him- which wasn't right- (and I think my fury scared him). What would have been better is to bring my grievencies to the table as they came- rather than letting it build.
    Multi-cultural relationships are tricky, but you have to let your opinions/differences acknowledged!
  11. iluvuma1

    iluvuma1 Well-Known Member

    One other comment, Julie:

    We went to an antique shop a couple weeks ago that had a glass wedding cake chandelier. He loved it, and said to call her and tell her we'd buy it next weekend. I agreed it was nice, however I would have never picked it out.

    So a week later we're on our way to pick up the Chandelier and he tells me to drop by the bank and deposit some coins he had. I ended up paying for half of that damned chandelier!!!

    It just irked me- because he assumed I should pay for half of it just because I agreed with him that I thought it was pretty. I would have NEVER bought that thing on my own accord!
  12. iluvuma1

    iluvuma1 Well-Known Member

    One last thing!

    I don't want to sound like a Czech male-basher! I'm POSITIVE my "american traits" get on his last nerve. Particularly my loudness...
  13. julieteng66

    julieteng66 Member

    :wink: same here, i am not born here, but half of me have the tranditional side of me which is obey, but half of me is how my mom rised me which is the western way that's why he think that i can be super sweet,but super bitchy at the same time. I am sure you know what I mean 'cause he just get on my nerve all the time...been a super control freak.
    :shock: well, i thought that I am the only one having this "mom's little boy" Czech boyfriend. The money thing is drive me totally crazy... not only I ahve to pay half of things, sometime I have to be the one pay for the whole trip if we going somewhere... See my case is...if you are really "in " this relationship and I have totally no problem to put my money in (even i still think that man should be the one taking care money thing 'cause that's how I been rised) It's the Cheating thing drive me crazy... Yet, he keep complain that I am not earning enough money. Well, i did not really want a lot to beging with ... So I was wondering how long you been married to your man?
  14. Good Lord did this thread get interesting!!! I was reading your last reply and I just HAD to jump on in here with some things.

    First off, the "obey" crap?? It's 2005 and you are a modern woman who deserves more than she is getting. In the wedding vows nowadays, they took that word out. And a good thing too. Because I would cut it out myself if and when I get married. I obey no one but the law and so should you. That is what "free will and independent thinking" are all about.

    Second thing: if you are paying for half of everything, then you need to make him meet you half way or put him out on "foot patrol" as to say. The only time I pay for anything 100% for him is like his birthday and x-mas. I took him to St. Croix for his birthday this year and I paid for it all as my gift to him. Then again he took me for a month to Germany and paid for everything for our 3 year anniversary. We do split the bills down the center in our home (because I insisted otherwise I refused to move in) but other than that, he pays for everything and loves to do it.

    Finally, the infidelity issue. You are a better woman than me (or a fool) to have put up with that and stayed with him. I have had men cheat on me before. I had a fiance who did it and I forgave him and gave him another chance because he swore he "changed and realized what he had in our love and didn't wanna lose it, yada, yada, yada". He repayed me kindness and trustworthiness by doing it again in our home. 2 other guys I dated (one a czech) did the same cheating thing. I found out that if they'll do it once on you and you forgive them, they will do it again because they think you are either dumb enough to believe that dribble or that you are desperate and feel you can't be without them no matter how bad they act.

    From the way I read your posts, he has done it more than once. You know what they say: "First time, shame on him, second time, shame on you". Don't put up with that. And he feels your being a bitch because you refuse to be walked on and stand up for yourself? Then I say be the bitch you were born to be then!! :D You deserve to be treated like a queen and with the respect most people would give a stranger off the street let alone their significant other. Don't settle for this crap. You need to assert yourself and put your foot down. (or UP in some cases! :lol: :wink: )Get yourself a new love that deserves the wonderful woman you are. And please don't think badly about all czech men. I speak from experience when I say that among the vast herd of czech men who think they are princes, I was lucky enough to find my king and so can you!! Good Luck!
  15. magan

    magan Well-Known Member

    Wife having full time job and pretty much doing man and women's job in the household...."....very typical for Czech marriage. When children come, they will be your "job" too. :(
  16. Magan:

    I have to reply to YOUR post. I agree with the woman having a full time job and doing both sides of everything in the house in a czech marriage. Its the same way in Italian marriages. It has been that way in EVERY Italian household I have ever been in and in my family for 12 generations. So whether I marry a czech or not, it's expected out of me. Well, I am NOT that way and he knows it. I got lucky. My boyfriend was born here in the states (although his parents are both czech born and raised and moved here right before he was born) so he has gotten more of a "american" raising where he has learned that if you want a marriage to work, you BOTH have to equally contribute to it. No one person should do more than the other. That is where infidelity and divorce come in to play in this day and age. He does half the chores and pays half the bills and eats half the crow when we argue! (hahahaha :lol: ) But I let him know that contrary to popular belief and cultural upbringing, I am NOT going to be the "little woman" around the house barefoot and pregnant all the time while he has a life and does whatever he wants. And that is what he loves about me. Now, I will admit this much, I am VERY adamant about children (and we plan to have a housefull starting shortly!) and I PREFER to be the one in charge of that aspect. That is a family tradition with me. My mother ruled our home (still does) when we were kids and she dooled out more of the spankings and punishments than my dad ever did. And with me and my boyfriend, I am no control freak but I know how I want my kids to be raised and he tends to be REAL wishy-washy with kids. He loves them and they love him and they run all over him. And ours will be no exception so someone has to be the enforcer around here!

    I am not sure how Europeans handle child rearing. I have met lots of families from other countries and some of the worst kids I ever met were British and French kids. Unruly, spoiled and whiny. German kids were more disciplined as well as Italian. The few Czechs we know with kids have pretty decent kids. Not spoiled in the least bit but whiny and emotional, especially the boys. Every one of them was a mama's boy. Attached at the hip. The mothers are all no nonsense women who don't let the kids run over them though. They run the house. Same with my boyfriend's mother. She tried to run our house but I put her in her place once and so did her son and since then we have gotten along wonderful. She is one of my best friends. My question is this: how much of a role do czech men play in the lives of their kids? I know they love their kids and all, but do they tend to get really involved with their schooling, after school things, discipline, etc? I would like a heads up on what to maybe expect out of my czech. His dad was very uninterested in whatever he did and I don't want that to happen with him. Thanks.
  17. magan

    magan Well-Known Member

    julieteng66 please get out of it. This could be worse marriage you can ever imagine. He is not going to change (nobody will).
  18. Julie, I agree with Magan. Get out of it. If you think the relationship is bad now, you get married and heaven forbid have kids with him, you'll be saddled with him forever and be miserable. And children pick up on those things. He won't change. I've never met a cheater who ever changed their ways. If they can do it and get away with it unknown or get caught and always be forgiven by you, why the hell SHOULD he change? Ask yourself that one.
  19. Martina

    Martina Active Member

    Ha ha, that's why I don't date Czech men, so that I don' t have to pay half of everything. :lol: Although I wouldn't mind, after all it's about partnership. However I like to be also treated like a lady, not just as a business partner. But you must know Czech men are trainable too. My grandmother had my grandfather trained so well, he had to obey every word she said. Ok, he did have to help out with houseworks, dishes, wash the floor and give her most of the money for the household. He also demanded dinner at noon on the table. So it was mutual. The conclusion is if he makes you pay half for everything you make them to do half of the housekeeping too! Good Luck!

    As for Julie, I agree with magan, just get rid of him, he is not worth it and you deserve better. And you won't find the better until you let him go. Take care.

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