My Czech girlfriend left me - any advice?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous (Czech-Related)' started by dbaron13, Nov 30, 2005.

  1. dbaron13

    dbaron13 New Member

    Hello all...

    My wonderful Czech girlfriend of 2 years just left me, telling me that she needs time to sort out her thoughts and does not want to be with me right now. This surprised me and has devastated me.

    For the past 5 months we were only able to see each other 2-4 days a month, but before that, we had an absolutely perfect relationship and were both very much in love (which she admits and which she says she wishes she felt again).

    When that ridiculous schedule finally ended a few weeks ago, I was excited and ready to begin having that amazing relationship again. Unfortunately, the time apart made her no longer feel the same about me and thought of me only as a friend. She tells me she is confused and needs time at home right now without me in order to figure out what she wants. I had a plane ticket to go to Czech last week but she told me not to come.

    My frustration is this - how can she decide if she wants to be with me if we are not spending time together again? We have such amazing times when we are together...I really love this girl and I am trying to think of anything to do to win her back...

    Does anyone have any sincere advice? I have been miserable for 3 weeks now since she left...

    I apologize for the long posting...but I thank anyone in advance who could offer some help.
     
  2. Ladis

    Ladis Well-Known Member

    My opinion is, your relationship is over. When a girl says "I need time to sort out my thoughts and don't want to be with you right now" and you not to come to CR, it's clear that it's the end, sry :(. Caused probably by seeing the each other too short time in last months.

    However, I have no own experiences with girls :) so simply ask her, whether there's a way how to make the relationship like it was before, or if it is really the end (= to be friends only).
     
  3. magan

    magan Well-Known Member

    You should not do anything else than listen to her request. If you cannot return your air ticket then use it to get to some other city, meet different people, experience different things. However, your life will be much simpler if you find girl in your home country who will not be enticed at the beginning of the relationship with you being "different" and will be considering strictly your personality etc.

    Average relationship takes around 18 months. That is enough time to get to know other person and without anyonew fault see clearly, that it is not our lifetime partner. It is that simple. Unfortunately most people cannot see it and have to hear "reasons"....many people find explanation in meeting someone else, but that is another chapter, nothing to do with end of previous relationship.

    Your girl is telling you that relationship is over. Just thank her for good times you had together, ask to give your relationship short period of time for her to think about it, but you can believe, that she is just letting you down "nicely" only way she knows.
    Look forward to new adventures.
     
  4. Ryan

    Ryan Member

    My advice to you is definitely not to fly to Czech. As much as you may want to, as much as you may dream of a romantic trip there to win her back - it will never happen like that.

    I agree with Magan: give her time and respect her space and wishes. Also though, stay in touch with her and let her know your true feelings (but be careful not to burden her, guilt her, or suffocate her with them.) If it were meant to be, she will realize that. If not, then you have to learn to accept that and cherish the good times, looking forward to new things - and new women! -

    I know how you feel now man. We've been there before, and it is part of loving and living, unfortunately. I think Magan's suggestion of changing your ticket to another destination and trying something new is perfect. You may not be in the right mindset to travel alone now, so ask a buddy if he'd like to go off on a week adventure (someplace warm?). Try and live your life now.

    Best of luck and I hope everything works out for you.
     
  5. Polina

    Polina Member

    Actually, it's true - when girl tells you, that she needs time and so on, it means, that she doesn't want these relationships to exist anymore. But anyway, don't do anything! On my own experience (my ex-boyfriend follows me for about 2 years) I can say, that there's nothing worse, that an ex-boyfriend, who wants to become just a boyfriend again. Try to calm down and everything will be OKay!
    Good luck! I hope everything will be fine!
     
  6. dbaron13

    dbaron13 New Member

    I thank you all for your words of advice...

    Oddly enough, she has now told me that she wants to see me in a month (as friends), after she spends the holidays with her family...however, I am not keeping my hopes up. I guess I will have to wait and see. A good lesson in patience this is...
     
  7. Coccinella

    Coccinella Member

    Hello dbaron13!
    I guess my reply is a bit overdue...sorry about that. It's interesting that every single person who sent you a word of support told you to respect your ex girlfriend's choice and feelings. That's so very true. I am pretty sure that a clingy ex boyfriend may spoil all the nice memories she will cherish deep down. If she ever comes to feel "persecuted" by you, you'll become her nightmare, and that's not what you want, is it. I know you desperately want her back, but there's no other way than wait and see.
    As it was her who broke off your relationship, let her be the one who un-breaks it. You're there and she knows it.
    From the outside I'd suggest you go ahead with your life and never wait for her to come back, but I guess that's not easy for you...
    We should strive to find a compromise between self-respect and giving up to the partner's wishes. But don't be a paw in her hands just because you're still in love!
    You'll recover from these sad moments, but you have to want it.
    Chin up, Man! :)
    Ciao!
     
  8. TheFlyingman

    TheFlyingman Member

    I know how you feel. I experienced something similar two years ago. My only advice is to wait. Even though it can be useless I strongly recommend to do this. (I had been waiting for 11 month, during this time it seemed it would be OK, but at the end drew off and I found a knew girl. And I am with her happy as never before)
     
  9. Polina

    Polina Member

    I'd like to add, that it's known, that when God shuts the door, he opens the window! So keep on waiting!
     
  10. dbaron13

    dbaron13 New Member

    for some reason, these days are not getting any easier...

    can someone please try to explain to me what i need to do. I understand that she needs time and that it is the general consensus that the relationship is over, but I am unable to completely let go...and she has not given me any reason to yet.

    i am trying to move on...but i am finding it impossible because there are so many things that i want to say to her and so many things that we had planned together, only 2 months ago!

    for all of my experiences in life, it is amazing how ignorant and stupid this one makes me feel...
     
  11. Polina

    Polina Member

    I understand you, few years ago I was in the same situation, it really hurts, but one day you'll understand, that you pain is just a memory.
    Buy a diary and write down all your feelings. And wait. If it's true love, you'll be together again. If not, you'll find new girl. Everything that happens leads to better.
    Don't give up!
     
  12. scrimshaw

    scrimshaw Well-Known Member

    Polina, how'd you get so wise?
    Diaries are a great way to sort out thoughts.
    I hate being love sick. Been there, done that.
    I think everyone must experience it.
     
  13. withoutaim

    withoutaim Active Member

    Jó, to je život, chlapče!
     
  14. dbaron13

    dbaron13 New Member

    She officially broke up with me today...she is with someone else...

    Someone make this pain go away please...

    I am devastated...
     
  15. TallElf

    TallElf Member

    * Calling her only to put the phone down when she answers.
    * Long love letters that make no sense.
    * Reading her mail (before she gets it).
    * Breaking into her apartment and writing love messages on her bathroom mirror in your own blood.

    Are you thinking of doing, or have already done any of these acts? You are starting to scare me. :?

    And no, Tall Elf does not suggest you do any of these things. However, if there is a pretty young Czech/Slovak/Russian/Baltic/Ukrainian girl who wants to perform any of the above acts on Tall Elf just let me know. :p I will send you my telephone number and address. I will even leave my door unlocked if you want to perform the last act.
     
  16. SMZ

    SMZ Well-Known Member

    As trite as it sounds, time really will help and you really will get over it. In the meantime, it will hurt.

    Hang in there.
    (Another trite expression, but meant sincerely.)

    Susan
     
  17. Kanadanka

    Kanadanka Well-Known Member

    Life sometimes really sucks. Any loss, not only death, requires a period of grieving. Denial (you've already experienced it when you thought she just needed to think), Anger (how can you do this to me after..) Bargaining (if you come back, I'll change, or "God, brings her back to me and I'll...", Depression (so often mislabled as depression when it's in fact just profound sadness, which is understandable) and Acceptance. That will take some time. You need to understand that you will travel through EACH stage, and that there IS an end. Hang in there. Treat yourself to something that makes you feel good - fine wine, great dinner, membership to a great club. And good luck
    Hana
     

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