Czech Jokes

[nautilus]

Ahoj, can someone tell me a few short common Czech jokes? I would like to know how your humor sense is.

(If isn't to much asking, in Czech and English please.)

Thanks

[eso]

For example, these jokes from time of Nazi occupation

Sorry, Czech only:
http://uwaga.solnet.cz/Rubriky/Vtipy.html

[eso]

I tried translate one of them:

Přivedl gestapák občana do Pečkova paláce.
"Tohohle jsem zatkl!' pravil a hodil občana před zapisujícího.
"Proč?"
"Řval: Židé ven a Němci na jejich místa!"
"Úředník se zarazil a zeptal se: "Poslyš a neudělal jsi chybu? Tohle, co ten občan křičel, je vlastně naprosto správné - to je naše zásada ..."
"Když on to řval na židovském hřbitově!"


Gestapo officer bring a man to Pecka palace (Gestapo HQ)
"I took this one into a custody", said and threw him in front of clerk.
"Why?"
"He yelled: Jews out and Germans on their places!"
"Clerk hesitated and asked: Hey, didn't you make a mistake? This thing, which man yelled is all right - it's our rule..."
"But he was on Jewish cemetery!!!"

[wissy]

Very wicked.......he he !!

[Reverend Cindy]

eso,
Great translation. I got it no problem! And I like it too.

[brook]

I have a joke my (czech) ex-boyfriend told me. I will share, but I hope it doesn't offend anyone!


What's the difference between an Englishman, an American and a Czech getting off of a tram?

- The Englishman gets up, looks around and gets off the tram.
- The American gets up, looks around to see if he's left anything behind and then gets off the tram.
- The Czech gets up, looks around to see if anyone else has left anything behind and then gets off the tram.

[atyka]

@brook, a cool one

@nautilus: last year I was in Spain, I am now as well , and I tried to tell jokes to my foreign friends from Spain, but mostly from other countries.. Italy, France, Portugal etc. They looked at me like on a fool.. the jokes I like and my Czech friends liked when I told them, did not seem funny at all to them... well, when I remember one, I message you

[dzurisova]

[dream2b]

Hey .. I love czech jokes. I wanted to add one or two here. I am not so good at translating them. I know the last post here was in 2006, but hope you'll all get the email letting you know about this post. If you can translate these properly it would be great. I have a few czech friends now and these jokes make them laugh well.


Víte, co je to veletrh?
To je když si roztrhnete kalhoty, trenky i prdel.


Prijde takhle jeptiška k doktorovi, že má spálené prirození.
Doktor se ptá, jak se to stalo. Jeptiška na to ríká:
"Já jsem tu svícku zapomnela sfouknout."


Jde chlápek kolem rybníku a vidí, že se tam topí mladá dívka a zoufale volá, aby ji zachránil.
"A souložit umíš?"
"Umm, jasne že umím!" vydá ze sebe z posledních sil holka.
"Plavat jsi se mela naucit!"


I hope you like them, and if you'd like more, just let me know

[Karel_lerak]