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relationships and infidelity
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northover
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Joined: 03 Feb 2008
Posts: 4
Location: orlando,fl

PostPosted: 14-Dec-08 11:02  Reply with quote

this post has been removed. after much prayer and consideration i have decided to take the advice of many you fellow bloggers and "get over it". I realize that to get past this I must make the first of many steps to release the pain. Anger and hurt is what kept me locked in this vicious cycle of revenge. and it has done nothing to make me feel better. Thank you all for your advice, comments, and remarks.

Last edited by northover on 16-Dec-08 5:16; edited 1 time in total
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Ctyri koruny
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Joined: 25 Aug 2008
Posts: 550

PostPosted: 14-Dec-08 13:09  Reply with quote

I think you were right in saying that this eejits treatment of you will have affected your outlook on Czech people.
I am sorry that this happened to you.

I think maybe it is best for you to forget about anything and everything you associate with him and move on with your life, instead of blindly blaming everything and everyone.
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northover
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Joined: 03 Feb 2008
Posts: 4
Location: orlando,fl

PostPosted: 14-Dec-08 14:16  Reply with quote

removed

Last edited by northover on 16-Dec-08 5:17; edited 1 time in total
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dzurisova
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Joined: 13 Apr 2006
Posts: 1704
Location: Michigan, USA

PostPosted: 15-Dec-08 19:19  Reply with quote

Well I've experienced just the opposite. I can give you my comparison but I must clarify that when speaking of Americans, I have to distinguish between believers and non-believers in Christianity because the believers I spend time with have a much different opinion of infidelity my non-beleiving friends. Also, all the Czechs I know are non-believers. So with that background information, here goes...

Its been my experience that the Czech people I know support the sanctity of marriage more than the Americans (non-believers). American men here have no quams about flirting with married women and several American men cheat on thier spouses. Whereas the Czech men are very respectful of the fact that I'm a married woman and respect my husband as well. Americans are also MUCH more tolerant of others who have affairs, viewing it as "thier choice" and hold a "whatever" attitude whereas the Czechs I know are much less tolerant of it and much more vocal of thier attitude toward the immoral behavior of the affair.

Keep in mind the Czechs I know are mostly above age 35 and I only know about 30 Czech people here in the States and maybe 20 in CR, which is a small sample size. Most the American non-believers I hang out with are between ages 25-45. Perhaps that makes a big difference but still, I hope it helps provide an outlook to your question.
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PGN
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Joined: 29 Feb 2008
Posts: 80
Location: Virginia

PostPosted: 20-Dec-08 7:52  Reply with quote

This is one of the few times that I disagree with Dzurisova.

The sancity of marriage is not a culture specific emotion, it has nothing to do with religion, it is a commitment between two people. Whether it be in a church or a legal setting.

American men that flirt or Czech men that flirt are NOT culture specific, these are men that don't stick to a commintment.

I have been a part of the Czech/American community for 15 years now, no culture has the upper hand on fidelity. Religion or social norms included. It is not an accepted practice for American males to cheat on thier wives, if it was President Clinton would not have had so many problems when he was in office.

My peers, the American men, have serious qualms against cheating on thier wives, so much that they will lose thier jobs and social standing. Infidelity is not tolerated.

My personal experience is that Czech women will say "Well so and so dances better" or "When I get a new job, maybe I'll meet someone." These aren't threats, these are references that the partner needs to spend more time woeing the other.


Why are we, as a community so quick to label everything bad as American or Czech?
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PGN
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Joined: 29 Feb 2008
Posts: 80
Location: Virginia

PostPosted: 20-Dec-08 8:04  Reply with quote

@ Dzurisova,

The more I read your post the higher my blood pressure rises... Very Happy

What you claim to be 'American' is exactly why I was able to win my reason for waking up each morning.

My current and only wife until the day that I die was trapped in a marriage, in the Czech Republic, with a Czech man that included him cheating, flirting, and making a slave of her.

I'm sitting here in the states watching as all of our Czech friends are getting devorced, none of the devorces are for infidelity. The devorces are because they didn't 'click' after the marriage.

We did a Make A Wish trip to lego land last summer, the key to a relationship is making it 'click.' No matter how much you try to force a block together, if it doesn't 'click, you won't create your goal.
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dzurisova
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Joined: 13 Apr 2006
Posts: 1704
Location: Michigan, USA

PostPosted: 22-Dec-08 18:12  Reply with quote

@ PGN

Hi, well first off I want to apologize for raising your blood pressure. We don't want any ambulances called for my doing. Smile Secondly, I want to say that I'm glad to hear that most the time you agree with what I have to say. Razz Thirdly, I want to point out that I did state that my American friends are young therefore perhaps the different outlook on marriage may have to do with age rather than culture. Forth, I'd like to point out that my post CLEARLY states that it's been my experience. Now how are you gonna go and disagree with my experience if you weren't there to share in the experience. Very Happy

Now I was obviously making a generalization (as a Sociologist, we love to look at differences in generalizations rather than individuals). And notice that I pointed out that my generalization is from a small sample of people.

I do have to disagree with you that religion has no influence on one's perception of infidelity. On the contrary, it has a significant influence for many people. Perhaps in you're sample size, it has a small influence. Smile

Thanks for letting me know what you think. I enjoy a good discussion.
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MK
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Joined: 21 Feb 2006
Posts: 296

PostPosted: 23-Dec-08 1:19  Reply with quote

PGN wrote:

I'm sitting here in the states watching as all of our Czech friends are getting devorced, none of the devorces are for infidelity. The devorces are because they didn't 'click' after the marriage.


Now you get to the core of it. They divorce because that "non click" but it can be caused by many things one of them can be adultery.

People here do not commit adultery or (when so they) hide it because it can harm their relationship which they value much more.

Focus on importance of non infidelity is religion think so it make no sense for most Czechs. For Czechs it is only one of many thinks which can harm their relationship with loved one hence when love is still present there is no infidelity.

I can not judge which nation is more faithful but I learned one thing. More norms means more willingness to break them so I believe what dzurisova wrote about larger tendency to infidelity in US.


Last edited by MK on 23-Dec-08 3:26; edited 1 time in total
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PGN
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Joined: 29 Feb 2008
Posts: 80
Location: Virginia

PostPosted: 23-Dec-08 3:06  Reply with quote

@ Dzurisova,

Yes, you did clearly say that it has been your experience. Then you go into American men here.....that is a generalization, not specific to your experiences.

When you go away from your experiences and then make general statements about American men...cheating on thier spouses....much more tolerant of other who have affairs.....whatever attitude.....you just put the whole American male population into the mix.

I fall into your age group, 25-45. As a Socialogist you know that making a generalization will lead to a subjective assessment which will invalidate the results.

I didn't articulate my feelings I clearly, I didn't think that I was saying that religion has no influence..I was posting about the very core of a marriage..commitment between two people, not between a religion, culture, social status, or national identity. Without the foundation of a commitment between the two people all of these things are excuses for separation, devorce or whatever....

There is a human failing that plays into this, failure to accept responsibility. We, collectively are fast to blame it on something out of our control than to look in a mirror and realize that it was our own shortcomings that got us into the perdicament.

@ MK, Could you expand on the "people do not commit or hide adultery"?

Thanks Very Happy
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MK
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Joined: 21 Feb 2006
Posts: 296

PostPosted: 23-Dec-08 3:23  Reply with quote

PGN wrote:


@ MK, Could you expand on the "people do not commit or hide adultery"?



they either do not commit it or (when they do it then they carefully) hide it ...

...because of horrible consequences

it is really not very self explanatory, i will edit it little
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