April 29, 2000
Every year around Easter our middle school would hold Tag Day. Basically, the girls would pay a dime for the legal right to tag whatever boy they wanted to make a slave out of for one day. Next day was Revenge Day for the boys, but by then the fun had already faded. Here they have something called Smigrust. On this day the boys pay a call to the girls at their homes. There they whack them with a switch so they'll be good, then toss them into the shower so they'll be clean. The girls are so grateful for the treatment they receive that they give the boys Easter eggs and chocolate in return. And not only is it for free, but the boys get a national holiday to facilitate the rampage. Of course, the girls get their chance the next day, but being a school day, nothing really comes of it.

April 22, 2000
Combine Drahoslava and Elian and what do you get? Brook and Asia. Not a brook in Asia, rather the two little girls who were the subject of a BBC special on beauty pageants for preschoolers. Aired about the same time as the Miami raid, it was more absurd and terrifying in its unabashed depiction of childhood abuse. The little girls were referred to as "packages" thoughout, even by their own parents. And what parents! They lay out thousands of dollars on wardrobes for the girls, yet come to the pageant dressed like they were straight off the hayride. Shorts, tank tops, ball caps. They were in good company with the organizers, one of whom sat for her interview wearing a T-shirt with a picture of a watermelon on it. And the pageant itself could have been held in a barn for all the care put into it, which probably explains why manners were in such short supply. Take the winning mother. Herself the daughter of a woman named Bunny Breedwell, she never missed a swipe at the other girls during the routines. Needless to say, she was all smiles as she and Bunny hauled that big trophy into their car afterwards. And her daughter? She walked away from another victory with a nasty scowl on her face. Gee, thanks, Mom.

April 15, 2000
The lady is pissed. That be Drahoslava, a name that looks like Dragonslayer, but is a combination of "high price" and "fame." Indeed, fame would prove to be too high a price for her. A contestant for this year's Miss Czech Republic, she got canned after the first round. The reason? Her body is so incredibly gorgeous that she simply would have blown the others away had she walked out later on in her swim wear. That wouldn't have been fair to the others. Apparently Drahoslava never had much of a chance in the first place, though. The winner had an aunt or uncle sitting on the jury, and the first runner-up happens to be neighbors with some big time singer. The Incredible Body was so discouraged that she skipped the ball afterwards and balled all the way home.