Help! suggestions/opinions wanted

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous (Czech-Related)' started by plite, Nov 6, 2007.

  1. plite

    plite New Member

    will spare the long and boring details and give the quick version of my story.

    dated a czech for more than a year and eventually asked her to marry me and she said the months went by and we were apart we were both sad and of course very depressed. we decided to break up because things were just too hard on her.she wanted me with her and i wanted to be with her but as we all know sometimes life just doesn't work out. she had no desire to live move to the states and i was having a difficult time finding work in cz.

    july of 2006 is the last time we saw eachother and oct of 06 is the last time we spoke on the phone.since then i have been sick to the point where i haven't slept in months.tried every sleeping pill the doctor prescribed and everything for depression ever invented and nothing worked.

    two months ago i wrote her an email apologizing for having to let her go since i swore to her i would always take care of her and we would be together forever. asked her to not respond back and to just think about what i wrote. a few weeks go by and i send her an sms and she tells me that she is on sick leave for work and she doesn't want any stress right now so no more sms.

    3 weeks ago was her birthday. bought flowers for her birthday and told the flower shop to hold the flowers and i hoped she would pick them up.i know her address for her flat and her work and her mom's flat but i kinda thought if she wanted them or anything to do with me she would go and pick the flowers up. she sends me an sms saying she picked up the flowers and really enjoyed them but for her birthday her wish was that i never contact her again as it is too painfull and wants to forget not remember me.said she doesn't want a penpal.then goes on to say that on jan 1st she is moving to a new flat and tells me other little details that she isn't in a relationship and she is too scared to be in one again.

    9 days after her birthday it is my birthday and she sends me an sms wishing me a nice day and to smile. i repond back thanking her and telling her that her sms would be the reason why i am smiling for the whole day.she responds back saying she was glad.

    bought a ticket and on dec 1st i will arrive in prague

    here are my questions

    1. if she didn't want to speak to me or even be bothered wouldn't she just ignore my emails ,sms and the flowers and just never respond back?

    she is the type of person that would appreciate it more if i just went ahead and did it without telling her but...

    2. do i tell her in advance i am coming to see her? (this option gives her plenty of time to think about things and also more time for worrying.)


    3. wait until i actually arrive and sms or call and let her know i am there to see her. (this option is more romantic but also risky)

    kinda want to wait until i arrive to let her know i came to see her but it's a long way to go and i risk the chance of her being out of town (doubtfull). will be there for 9 days and want every minute of that time to be with her.

    tried to keep this as short as possible and i know leaving out the whole story might make it more confusing but there is just too much to tell.

    thanks in advance to all that read this and have any advice to offer.

  2. teb

    teb New Member

    It's a long way for a "surprise". You can always pick the "romantic" way and call her to tell her that you are there. However, you must be prepared for the possibility of spending the 9 days alone in Prague!!! Are you willing to take that chance?? Think about it. If you want to go without any expectations, then surprise her and see what happens.
  3. dzurisova

    dzurisova Well-Known Member

    What if you call her and she tells you not to come. Are you going to go anyway? If so, and she refuses to see you or spend time with you, will you still be glad you made the trip and enjoy Prague?

    If your answer is yes, then you can take the romantic way and surprise her.

    If you answers are no, then you might want to let her know ahead of time.

    Another thing to consider, if you surprise her, she might find herself engulfed in seeing you again--filled with emotions and give into the surprise and spend 9 wonderful days with you, like some Hollywood movie. Then later when you return home and things go back to normal, she realizes that things are still the same way as they were before and she decides to discontinue any contact. Will you be happy for the 9 days or even more depressed than you were before?

    Another less romantic but more practical option: If you tell her ahead of time perhaps you both will be able to work out some of the problems from the past and come to some relationship agreements, thus making the 9 days more meaningful rather than a 9-day romantic fling.

    Either way, you need to look at all the possible outcomes and decide which outcomes you can live with. If there are certain outcomes that would be devastating to you, then you should chose not to partake in actions that will bring about such outcomes. If certain outcomes are not necessarily desirable, but you will be able to continue living productively in spite of those outcomes, then perhaps they are worth the risk.

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