A bit about English Language

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by GlennInFlorida, Mar 9, 2008.

  1. GlennInFlorida

    GlennInFlorida Well-Known Member

    A friend of mine sent me this, thought some of you might enjoy it.

    You think English is easy???

    Read to the end . . . a new twist

    1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

    2) The farm was used to produce produce .

    3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

    4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

    5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

    6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

    7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present

    8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

    9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

    10) I did not object to the object.

    11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

    12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row

    13) They were too close to the door to close it.

    14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

    15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

    16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

    17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

    18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

    19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

    20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

    Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

    And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

    How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

    English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

    PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'

    You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .

    There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

    It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

    We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car . At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

    And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP . We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

    We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. I f you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP , you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP ..

    When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP .

    When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP

    One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP , so............ it is time to shut UP ...!

    Oh . . . one more thing:

    What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night? U-P
  2. Jana

    Jana Well-Known Member

    In one word - GREAT!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:
  3. Alexx

    Alexx Well-Known Member

    :-D :-D :-D

    The end is very funny. U-P :). What about U-P-S ;-)
  4. dozmary

    dozmary Member

    On the other hand, English has apparently the simplest grammar apart from Chinese.

    Czech - logical but complicated: English illogical but simple.
  5. dzurisova

    dzurisova Well-Known Member

    This was great Glenn, thanks. However, it scares me in learning Czech. I'm thinking, perhaps it's the same in Czech - same words with different meaning, and if so, how will I ever learn that language.
  6. Alexx

    Alexx Well-Known Member

    Every language has some complications, as you see, even english has. Phrasal verbs seem to be one of the biggest problem for me now, not only UP.

    Btw. I passed this Glenn's text to my english language teacher and she is gonna use it in next lesson :)
  7. The Animal

    The Animal Well-Known Member

    That was cool Glenn,

    The english language is messed up. It takes alot of words to get to the point of your story sometimes.

    As I learn cěsky, I learn that one word can = several in english.

    Děkuji, na shledanou.
  8. Alexx

    Alexx Well-Known Member

    But english is the same, I cannot figure out how one word "swear" can have two very different meanings.
  9. fabik317

    fabik317 Well-Known Member

    not _very_ different at all - imagine "swear" as "klít", "zaklínat" or some variation thereof - now it's fairly clear - you use "klít" when you hit your finger with a hammer (this is the "nadávat" meaning), but still there are phrases like "ať mě proklejou, jestli to není pravda", "zaklínám tě/zapříshám tě" etc.
  10. kibicz

    kibicz Well-Known Member

    "zaklínám tě/zapříshám tě" has diferent meaning - zaklínat(same as proklínat) is to curse but zapříshat means to beg - there is no way it could be used similarly..
    so the only diference is beeing told off or beeing cursed, which czech speaker doesnt discern(except in fairytales)..

    bigger problem is verb "dojít"
    e.g. in "vodka došla" you never know whether "you are run out of vodka" or "vodka has arrived" ;)
  11. Alexx

    Alexx Well-Known Member

    You can use it in both meanings in short period of time - from my own experience - New years eve celebration 2006 - "Vodka došla" - so I went to the gas station to buy another bottle, came back, and again - "Vodka došla" :)

    But this is the last moment I remember from it :)
  12. dzurisova

    dzurisova Well-Known Member

    Well I thought you were going to say - "Vodka došla" - so I went to to the counter to pour a glass and just few minutes later - "Vodka došla" :)
  13. jen

    jen Well-Known Member

    Vodka + Bohemia Sekt = disaster. My first New Year's here...dohrala jsem :)
  14. Alexx

    Alexx Well-Known Member

    Another one

    row = hádka (meaning quarrel, fight)
    row = řádka (meaning vertical space, line)


Share This Page