Hi, I am looking for some insight. I hope someone here can help. My daughter is dating a foreign exchange student from Czech. He is living here in the States for an academic year. There are things about this young man that puzzle me, and I am wondering if there are huge dating cultural differences between our 2 countries that I am not aware of. For example, after their first date, he told my daughter he was in love with her - head-over-heels in love. At first, I thought it was just a bit of a language difference (his english isn't top notch, though he is understandable). But now I'm not so sure. He seems almost possessive of her, after only 5 weeks of dating, and he doesn't show much respect to the adults in her life (parents, grandparents, etc.). I get the feeling he sees us as an obstacle. Needless to say, my husband and I aren't happy about any of it. I would also like to know how premarital sex is seen in the Czech. Is it frowned upon? Acceptable? They are both 18, but I am still very concerned about all of this. Anyone have any insight into any of this? I appreciate any and all comments. Betsy
Hi Betsy! Well, I have read your question and like Czech person - maybe - I can give you some answer. First of all I must say that I dont know this boy who is dating your daughter, so it is very difficult to judge. As well I dont think that it is possible to say what is typical behaviour of Czech boys and what not in case of love...I think it depends more on psychological character than on some cultural differences - for example you wrote about his small respect etc...I dont think that it is because he is Czech, but maybe because of his own personality. But really this I cannot judge. But I can answer your question about premartial sex and its consideration in here. I think Czech society is very tolerant in this case. It means that in general it is consider as acceptable. But - and this but is important - it really depends on the education and family origin. In Catholic families it is still consider as a sin. I hope my answer helped you a bit. In the case of any other question I am prepare to answer.
Hi there, I don't know anything about raising kids, and parenthing, since I'm 28, and Just about out of my learning curve to adulthood. What I can say is that cultures differ, and so does the boy's background, as you have noticed. What you probably did not think about is your own background. You find your perception of the world to be the way to go. Other behaviour is often seen as less good, but ask yourselve weather it's true. Growing up in the netherlands, it's leagal in my country to use some drugs. That doesn't mean that it's generally accepted, and common practise. It's even the other way around. I dare to say that there are less problems per head of population in the Netherlands, than in most countries. An other thing is driving a car. In the States, there are youngsters driving around at an age of 15, on a restricted permit. We in western Europe consider that highly dangerous. For you the next normal thing to do. The same goes for drinking. I've been to Minnesota, and there it's so illegal to drink below 21, while in Europe the normal age is 16 for beer and wine, and 18 for all alcohol. Then, and I don't want to be offensive, or say that your opinion is good or bad, the average European citizen will find some of the taboo's in the USA, the next normal thing. The taboo of premarital sex, or sex in general is one of them. We don't understand the fuss about it. We say, "if you do it, then do it safe!" Don't try to close your eyes for the common practice, but keep your standards you have thought well about high. The last I'dd like to say is that 18 year olds can be pretty smart in many way's. Sure they have a lot to learn, so do you and I. I hope this enables you to look at the situation with an open mind, and good luck solving your problem. Just talk it out, is always the best option.
Oh, yeah, one more thing . . . I'm not quite sure how it is in the Czech republic, but American girls do tend to say "Love you" "Love ya" etc. a lot. This is defenately not common practice in most of europe. At least not in the way it is ment by those girls saying it more as a friendly greeting. And for showing no respect to you, and your parents. I don't think it's a typical Czech thing to do. Could it be that the boy is shy towards you, or is he just rude. Kind regards again,
Hi Betsy, I am English, my wife is Czech, we live in the Czech Republic, hence I believe I have more than a passing insight into the 'culture' & 'way of things' in Czech from an outsiders view. I have 2 single Czech brothers-in-law & we have discussed your dilema as I found it quite interesting. We have come to the firm conclusion that this guy's behaviour has nothing to do with his nationality or culture. There is nothing that you have said that points towards anything typical of the behaviour of a young Czech guy. In fact here it is absolutely not normal to declare one's 'love' especially not the undying kind early on in a relationship, this is far more typical of Americans who seem to use the term more loosely. As with most of Europe pre-marital sex is very much part of life, but the safety aspect is generally taken seriously. I know this may not be the case in the US where conservative christian values are more the norm, but this is not about him being Czech & not really to do with culture. My conclusion is that people are different the world over & more often than not it has nothing to do with their country of origin. In Europe we do not think that every dissatified American school kid is going to gun down their classmates although it happens most in the US! It is the action of individulas. The point I'm trying to make is that this guy is behaving as he chooses for his own reasons, this is an issue you have with him & your daughter as individuals & I wish you luck dealing with it. But it has nothing to do with culture or his nationality. good luck Sam
Cau Betsy, well this is what I have surmised about your situation with your daughter and her new Czech boyfriend. I really think that this is surely a case of "there's good and bad in everything" I have many many Czech friends and I've dated Czechs before and I can honestly say that young Czechs are extremely respectful of their elders. This a culture thing....it is as much a part of their lives as drinking beer is in the Czech Republic. Treat him as the individual from the Czech Republic....not as if he's "one of those Czechs". Of course there are many cultural differences, but in terms of love and dating...I think that it's pretty universal. You see, I travel to Czech all the time from the states and also to other parts of Central and Eastern Europe and there's nothing more draining and sometimes scary when all of a sudden you realize how gosh darn far away you are from absolutlely EVERYTHING that you know and understand. I think that this boy is scared and lonely, so he's found up a nice connection with your daughter, but maybe taking it to the extreme a little. The best thing to do maybe is to research Czech culture....make him some tea...Czechs love tea (caj) , get some recipes from the internet on Czech cooking, ask him questions about his culture...try to find some authentic Czech brown bread....hard in USA because all of our bread is very sweet and gross. Make an effort...he'll come around.
Betsy: As someone who has Czech male friends, I know your daugher's boyfriend is trying to get in her pants. But don't think she's so innocent either. Do you realize what's going on in high schools these days? Please.
